How to be a Pirate!

It seems like the newest internet trend is piracy. And why not? Everyone loves pirates. With their pillaging and plundering of the towns, large ships, and steady stream of rum and gold, what’s not to love? However, I will not be talking about that kind of Pirating in this here blog post. No, I will instead teach you how to be an Intarweb Pirate! This means FREE STUFF! Everybody loves free stuff. Let’s get it on.

Step 1: Watch this video:

Now, if that doesn’t make you want to be a pirate, nothing will. Leave this blog now. If you, like a normal person, still wish to be a pirate, continue on my swashbuckling friend.

Step 2: Get file sharing software

Most pirates these days use what’s known as Bittorrent. But why use that protocol? Nope, instead you should use the classic: Kaazaa. And just like pirates, you shouldn’t use a modified one, so you can get all the sick nastiness from it. I mean, all pirates had some disease, right? Consider this your scurvy, if you will.

Step 3: Get a pirate name

Use this site for your very own pirate name. Use it on all the forums, download sites and other places you may visit. Also, tell all your friends to call you by this name. It helps your “pirate cred”. Trust me.

A lot. Like, everything. Download anything and everything you’ve ever thought you wanted. In fact, even if you don’t like what you are downloading, get it anyway. Why? Because you can, fool.

Step 5: Get caught and hanged (optional)

This step is one no pirate wishes to face; when you finally get caught. The RIAA and the MPAA will no doubt be your downfall. With their crazy, lunatic-esque ways, its a wonder they even have the support of anyone these days. But mentally stable or not, they want you in bars. And you will be. And they might hang you. Though this has yet to happen. But who knows, maybe you will be the first. What an honor.

Yes, that’s all it takes kids. 5 steps to Piratedom. I know that you want to get out their and start being a pirate, so please, go now. Free stuff awaits.

(Note: I don’t actually want you to steal anything. This is merely a humorous blog post for the sake of humor. Support your artists/filmmakers/local dairy farm. Don’t sue me.)


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