For all of you “people” out there who actually enjoy The Mars Volta, I have one thing to say to you: you and your band suck. Why? Because they aren’t even a band.
From left to right: Retard #1, Whiny Loser #1, A Black Dude, Whiny Loser #2, Retard #2
This was brought to my attention when my friend and I were listening to their acclaimed musical album (if you can even call it music) Frances The Mute. Here’s the blow-by-blow of the album:
Try this if you actually like this album.
Cygnus…Vismund Cygnus: Wow, 13 minute opener. That’s quite a way to start an album. If only I could get through the entire song…oh wait, it just repeats itself so I don’t even have to listen to it all. NEXT SONG.
The Widow: The only *ACTUAL* song on the entire album, this one is listenable at the most. Whiny vocals mar this otherwise alright song.
L’Via L’Viaquez: Another 10+ minute song…I don’t think I can be submitted to torture like this much long. I mean, the guy sounds like he’s crying for God’s sake.
The Rest of the Album: This is nothing but 45 minutes of them farting around with their guitars. It isn’t even good farting, its sick, wet, nasty farting that sounds somewhat like a child being mauled with a license plate and a broken Jack Daniels bottle. Not good.
So there it is. The Mars Volta isn’t a band; they are just a stupid, idiot-prog group of dumb, whiny induviduals who feel the need to fill the music world with their own vomit and bile. Please don’t listen to Volta, if you do I will be forced to send the ninja on you.
456 responses so far ↓
fuck um you // June 16, 2007 at 5:27 am
Why do you go through so much effort to say this band sucks. Not everybody likes everybody elses music. IF you dont like it, you OBVIOUSLY have a different taste for music. This is definitely talent, you just arent intelligent enough to get it. Your brain cant comprehend the amazing complex sounds this band produces. Thats why you stick to radio hit bands that really sound all the same, absolutely no uniqueness involved. Go down to the deep south where it burns bitch.
------- // June 25, 2007 at 6:24 am
Sorry, but it’s true; this band really does suck. I had to listen to them open for a far better band a couple years back and it was absolutely horrible. Their entire set was nothing but an hour long session of weird guitar effects and whiny shrieking noises. I hate mainstream music as much as the next guy, and I try to distance myself from it as much as possible; but this hardly qualifies as music. It sounds like Jim Morrison with a hernia, beating a guitar with a cat in heat. Maybe your brain could comprehend the “amazing complex sounds” if you took enough acid, but for us sober people it just sounds like garbage.
Kaki // October 27, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Yeah,I agree that the albums pretty much blows. 13 minute opener was a horrible idea. The mastering is pretty lame as well. The first album was great and original but now they feel they can get credit for just “jamming” for 45 minutes.
KrOW_666 // January 25, 2008 at 5:45 pm
alright, ill go straight to the point and say that I heard lot of hype about this album, and none of it stands to be true at all, and yes I do have an idea of what music is and an extent of knowledge of how it is written.Most of this album is noise, its horible. I heard that Mars Volta was supposed to be one of the most talented bands out there, or some shit that, that it was some major breakthrough of an album compared to the greats,… but no.Not at all, not even close. I heard the album through pure curiosity and i have to say the mainstream has disappointed me once again,no surprise huh, ill just stick to dream theater,symphony-x, led zeppelin and some good old pink Floyd here. The “music” is incoherent, just a sense of wonder,how come everybody built up the Mars Volta to apparently be so great, when its bad incoherent crap? I just dont get it…
Shir Deutch // January 30, 2008 at 12:54 pm
I love their first album, but they have been unable to recreate its success. This one is the worst. Check out the review on the Solstice Coil site: http://www.solstice.co.il/2008-01-27/of_wormholes_and_golden_banjos
Will smith... haha // February 2, 2008 at 11:01 pm
True.. they can’t even play what their albums hold live.
Their first album: Deloused in the Comatorium
was absolutely amazing.
They have turned to (as you have called it) Farts.
Their new album: Bedlam in Goliath
is shit. Pure shit.
People=Sheep // February 18, 2008 at 7:33 am
People are sheep. Somewhere along the Mars Volta time line it had been suggested that only smart people like they’re music. It’s OK, we wont think your dumb if you admit that you don’t get it because there’s nothing to get. It’s just a whole lot of fluff. Any seven people with a little knowledge of they’re intrument can play this “style” of music on they’re very first practice in mom’s basement. If you want the real deal: Miles Davis “Live Evil”, Floyd “Meddle”, Mothers of Invention… just to name a few. I’m not trying to put down Mars Volta, but if you think this is great music you should broaden your horizons.
hotnuts // March 13, 2008 at 12:11 pm
the reason Deloused in the Comatorium was great= Rick Rubin
the reason their other albums sucked= no Rick Rubin
Hate // March 13, 2008 at 2:55 pm
You should all kill yourselves
heyyyy // March 31, 2008 at 6:01 pm
i agree. they are not good.
I was telling my friend about rx bandits one day(i love them.). i said they were kindof like At The Drive-in …and they were really good. and he said “oh, like mars volta?”
X_X while i can see how one would group them together, they are not in the same league as the two bands mentioned above.
Cliff Burton // April 7, 2008 at 11:05 pm
I would rather listen to St. Anger Bwaahahaha!!
They S. Tillsuck // May 28, 2008 at 10:50 pm
WTF? Went to see the Flaming Lips and Christmas On Mars…. the opener for the Lips at Sasquatch Music (key word MUSIC) Festival is this freakin weird-ass hyper shit band I never heard of before… but hey they have the word “Mars” in their name. Other than that every single thing sucked about them and their show. Throwing the drummers entire high-hat assembly like a spear into the audience? WTF? And what is that 17/11 beat shit all about (just guessing I couldn’t tell ya what the real beat was based upon). Strange thing is I think it takes an incredible amount of talent to be that tight of a group mastering the art of sounding like pure crap on speed. It was like hearing hints of Zep vocals while watching T-Rex and band crunkin’ bad.
J Curd // June 27, 2008 at 6:09 pm
I think you’re all a bunch of whiny bitches. And i think every Mars Volta album is great. You should all just go and listen to Panic At the Disco.(or Fall Out Boy) and Motion City Soundtrack!
8===========D~~~~~~~~
J Curd // June 27, 2008 at 6:17 pm
People=Sheep // February 18, 2008 at 7:33 am
People are sheep. Somewhere along the Mars Volta time line it had been suggested that only smart people like they’re music. It’s OK, we wont think your dumb if you admit that you don’t get it because there’s nothing to get. It’s just a whole lot of fluff. Any seven people with a little knowledge of they’re intrument can play this “style” of music on they’re very first practice in mom’s basement. If you want the real deal: Miles Davis “Live Evil”, Floyd “Meddle”, Mothers of Invention… just to name a few. I’m not trying to put down Mars Volta, but if you think this is great music you should broaden your horizons.
You are a idiot, I bet if you take guitar lessons for ten years, you still probably wouldn’t be able to play anything by the mars volta. you simple minded shit
Kazuyashockrocks!!! // July 1, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Finally!!!! Sane fucking people!!! Everywhere else online I look, all I see is people praising this shitty fucking band! I’m going to catch heat for this but I don’t care. the mars Volta are to tool, rush and led zeppelin what fucking David cross is to bill hicks, George Carlin, Stanhope and Lenny Bruce They’re a bunch of fucking wannabes sucking on the nipple of bands who were better than them but gone and they just don’t measure up! If this were the mainstream of the early/mid 90s the mars Volta would not have been taken seriously, sorry!!!
Not only that, they have the most self righteous prick singer I have ever seen in my life! This fascist heroin junkie poser fuck actually tries to tell the people in his audience, who pay good money to hear his noise (God knows why), how they can and can’t express themselves in his shows. Then he proceeds to call his audience sheep because the things they say are things they heard on television, yet after that, he calls them all a bunch of robots. Now I’m willing to bet the first time that idiot fuck heard of a robot, he saw it on fucking television! I have so many ways to prove what a ridiculous bunch of hypocritical posers they are, but you guys seem to be doing a great job of it yourselves! Thank you for reminding me that sanity and high standards still exist in a world where more and more people think shit is chocolate!!
king dick // July 27, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Exactly! Fuck this band and their pompous fans!
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Derek // August 15, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Yeah, they aren’t good but they don’t suck. They just sound like a band that tries to be too different and loses the soul in the music. one problem the voice doesn’t match the music, sounds coheed and cambria-like. I know your thinking they want uniqueness but there’s a fine line between innovation and ridiculous attempts to sound different. It’s all too concentrated on the guitar, for example the opening. Although progressive technically mjeans change in tempo/sound of the music, a lot of it is based on the large use of other elements in the music. They’re progressive “elements” you can say are somewhat masked and not aggressive enough. It’s basically all guitar which isn’t what rock is all about. I know what your thinking. But JImi Hendrix is oen of the best guitar players ever and i od’nt think of overly played guitar when i listen to him. It’s just not good I can’t explain, I’m good at determining good music too. Trust me i’m a progressive fan it’s definetly better than most current progressive although i’d take dream theater, porcupine tree, and a couple other bands over them. Although the bands i just mentionaed AREN’T THAT good either so yeah. The widow is probably the closest to true progrressive on the album.
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this is bs… above people were saying that this music was easy to play, if anyone has ever heard omar rodriguez lopez play guitar then they know he is nasty as hell on it. and if sumone disagrees then they r just plain nuts! listen to it more than once, to recognize the subtle nuances of it!!!! the mars volta is bad as shit on all fronts
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Just Listen // September 14, 2008 at 10:01 pm
you people…..you just don’t get it. it takes more than just one listen to get to like TMV. they’re so complex and there’s so much shit going on in each song, that it’s hard to really like it at first. Omar (guitarist) is a fucking musical genius, and the rest of the band is just fucking incredible at everything they do.
just open up you’re fucking ears and really listen to it. people don’t know good music when they hear it.
THE MARS VOLTA IS THE GREATEST BAND.
johnpyun // September 18, 2008 at 9:25 pm
People like you should like soak yourself with gasoline and light yourself on fire… Mars Volta is THE WORK OF ART! so ya. FCUK YOU
B-crass // September 30, 2008 at 6:16 am
Your all wrong. The Mars Volta is an amazing partnership of musical minds and just because they dont get down on all fours and suck all your dicks and they dont sound like everyone else, doesnt mean you can just assume you know anyhting about them and diss them.
And no they havnt lost soul in their music. They arent trying to be different, they are completley against shit like that, they just want to make music of their own.
Fuck all of you one-minded assholes
MGMT // December 17, 2008 at 11:10 am
teh mars volta sux teh cox!!
Hero Worship // February 20, 2009 at 8:39 am
Why are so many people obsessed with these guys. They’ve become idols to so many people. They are just people. It’s just music. You are all disgruntled robot sheep. It doesn’t take much for a rich person to buy recording gear and build a recording studio, get some friends to jam and spend lots of time constructing changes, recording your noise and using your resources to advertise and get the music on all shelves. If you are rich and know the right people anyone can be “famous”. These guys are pretentious but the fans are buying it. Never mind what they’re selling! It’s what you’re buying!
need ADVIL after tmv // June 22, 2009 at 9:01 pm
at first i really liked their music. Until I saw em on a jazz festival (North Sea) They sounded absolutely horrible and were painful to the ears. It’s been a year sinde I lsitened to em. That concert opened up my eyes. They play a good riff for four seconds and then make 20 minutes of diarrhea with often very bad annoying vocals. It’s a waste of their talent to make such shite as their weak new album. Everything sounds exactly the same as the old slow songs. even the same vocal hook line. bah never again.